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Mothering takes Time

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Mothering takes time.

Time is scarce. So often the balance between work, and taking care of family, can be stressful and exhausting. You often have to keep your resentments in check. Remind yourself, as mothers, that taking care of your child is rewarding and short lived. Does this sound ungrateful?

When I was a mother of young children, I spent my days trying to find things to do with my kids. But I also tried to find time to work. To create paintings that reflected the  fun moments of childhood. This time was a time where I just tried to survive. So much time of motherhood is about this.

Nostalgic for that time again

It now seems that I have the nostalgic yearning for young children. Conveniently, I have forgotten the torment and exhaustion. Now I exist in the sense of loss. That loss of time that I can just go to the park and hangout with the two year old.

All that is left in my memory is the cuteness, and fun, that I had with my kids. It takes my husband to remind me of the reality of that time. This is probably because my husband has some guilt in that he loaded all the childcare onto me.

And what is with this?

Time is the biggest gift

I have realized that giving time is the biggest gift we can give. This isn’t only about mothering. Most importantly, giving time is a gift in friendship, partnerships and parenting. Perhaps this is a piece of wisdom that can only be realized as we age. Who knows.

Mothering takes time and realizing this is the key piece to self care.

The past year has put an extra burden on many women. Mothering has become the juggling act of working at home, teaching your kids, and making life seem normal. There really is no time to just be. There is a sense of instability in mothers at this time. Many are feeling pushed to the edge, waiting for the end of this pressure.

Time is the gift that mothers are mostly appreciative of. Therefore, when you look at your kids, give yourself a moment to be kind to yourself. Realize that you are doing the best that you can with the time that you have.

To check out images of children that are available see www.memoryartgirl.com/home-sweet-home

 

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How to Be a Mother

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You have to learn to be a mother.

To be a mother is a challenge. When I first went home with my baby son, 25 years ago, I was in disbelief that the hospital trusted me to take this living, breathing human home without any supervision. How did they know that I could take care of this child? My husband and I, were on the same page. We had to make sure to keep this thing alive. Never mind celebrating the fact that we had a child. It was really just about trying to keep it eating, breathing and not crying.

The learning began before he was born. Of course, we tried to get as much information as possible to know what to expect. The reality is that much of this information becomes moot when the tiny thing comes home. It really is about survival.

Spring brings mothering into the forefront

With spring in the air, and newness around us there is a sense of the unknown. Mothering, and learning how to mother, are emotions that reappears at this time of year. As we build to the celebration of Mothers in May, this time is the beginning of this marking of this moment.

Understanding that the lifestyle choice of being a Mother is an innate human condition that balances between choice and obligation. What it means to be a mother can be complex and difficult. What “mother” means brings in a definition of sacrifice, strength, love, nurturing and power.

Men can fit into the definition of what it means to be a mother

Considering these are the definitions of “mother”, then men can take on this role. The concept speaks to being a central figure in the family structure that maintains the engine of support. This central caretaker, is often the one who runs the pieces; insuring that the children are fed, taken care of and nurtured. Mother make certain that opportunities are provided to educate.  That social change and diversity in experiences are provided. To just give love and nurturing.

It isn’t about mother vs. father. It is about how the role is defined and maintained.

Unfortunately, not enough men take on this role. As seen this past year, it was women who sacrificed their work and their own personal goals to insure that the children were ok. Maybe the reason was the economic difference, in that men could bring in more of the dough. Or maybe it was that the Mother was the woman.

Mothers are the first to take a step back from work.

Why do they do this? The reality is that mothers know that they have to sacrifice themselves to make certain their kids survive. Mothers ultimately know that this time will pass, and that they can find their track again and work. This past year has shown this.

Considering the role that mothers have taken this past year; it is time to really focus on what this means. Just saying Happy Mother’s Day is not enough. Understanding the importance of providing support to Mothers to succeed in their own life is a reflection of a culture that supports children. What does this mean? It means providing universal childcare, flex time work schedules, remote working opportunities. Just simple structural changes that enable women to provide for their families and be a Mother.

Creating Images of Mother and Children

This spring, a new series Mother’s Memories Project, will be presented that highlights the power of the mother. They will celebrate the sprinkles of happiness that celebrates motherhood.

Take a moment, enjoy the pieces, and think about how, without mothering, we are a culture of chaos and sadness. Most importantly, cherish the images to reflect your own value. Whether you are a woman or a man, being the Mother, means being the centre. These works will be a direct expression and result of this role.

Children and Mothers are part of my Home Sweet Home series. A group of pieces, now available as prints,  that looks towards the “home” where we connect, find our place, and be nurtured. Each piece from the Mother’s Memories Project will be part of this series.

To see full selection of prints see www.memoryartgirl.com

 

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Memories and Childhood

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 Reminding ourselves of Escape.

Memories of our children can be fleeting. Do you have moments where you look at your grown children and just think about them as young toddlers? Lately, as a mother of two young adults, I find myself in a space of thinking of when they were young. Memories and childhood are ways to find the warmth. To find the escape.

The moment passes quickly. Embedded within your mind is that moment. The moment when the sprinkler goes on, and she jumps. This type of memory is that moment of escape. A core piece that we witness our children go through that reminds us of fun; of life and of joy.

This is the marking the moment of escape. This cherished moment takes you to another place. Another time when the day consisted of trying to find time to work, and then find time to play. The search for daycare, the carving out of time to explore the city were all part of the day.

Motherhood without guilt

I remember when my day was spent walking through the streets of Toronto pushing a stroller. There was a this sense of “mom zombie” looking for others just like me. For some, thinking that motherhood is a walk in the park is just wrong.  Going to the drop in center to socialize my daughter. To just get around other people. These were the pieces of being a mother that was not the best.

But then there were moments of pure joy. Of going for a bike ride with my daughter being towed in the tailer. We would go to the park. Playing in the wading pool, or going to the beach and throwing in rocks into the lake. Little moments where there is motherhood without guilt. A way to think of memories and childhood that enables us to be in that moment.

Memories and childhood are the inspiration.

It are these moments that are the inspiration for my new series Mothers Memories Project. As my new series develops, these are the little moments that will be surfaced. To celebrate the escape in order to remind ourselves that escape is a way of survival. A distraction. Motherhood can be isolating but it can also be rewarding. Of course, it can. The goal is to isolate, highlight and celebrate these moments.

The best part about memory is the ability to choose the good.

Ways to Remember

In looking at memories and how they are formed; there are two ways that memories and childhood embed; individualist and collectivist.

The “individualist” are those isolated moments. It seems that the only way that these moments appear in our child’s memory is if we elaborate on the moment. Description of the colours, the events are described and the child is encouraged to remind themselves of this moment. This type of memory recall is not usual in our family, Lately I have been trying to find out if they kids have these specific memories and it doesn’t seem to rise to the surface. Yet I have them. The little moments of spending time with them when they forced me to think of something else than work.

The “Collectivist” memory has more of an impact. It is the sense of your family and the experiences that relate to the larger social responsibility. That which references the nurturing, caring and value of respect for others in the group. These are the type of memories that my kids have. They are very clear about how supportive, thoughtful and empathetic they should be. These traits seem to come through when I ask them about their childhood.

Looking at these two ways of “memory”, the collectivist would seem the best way. Yet those little individualist moments give me the escape place of warmth that I yearn for.

To just be back in that moment.

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